Friday, March 21, 2014

when He speaks

I know that change doesn't always happen completely and I know it doesn't always happen automatically, but here I sit at the end of a hard week, thinking - with some longing - about the last time I wrote on this blog. I had so much joy and confidence and freedom that particular day. And those things have stuck around in part since then, but I've also wavered plenty. I've believed lies again. I've compared myself to others again. I've struggled to fight for joy since then. I've been self-focused and self-critical. I've fretted and fussed and have forgotten Truth.

My morning was hard. My daughter was fussy and just wouldn't calm down (she's done this a lot this week- today it was particularly hard because we were away from home). I felt frustrated and inadequate. But then this afternoon this song, Audrey Assad's "You Speak", came on my iPod and was simply refreshing to my soul- exactly what I needed to hear.

You liberate me from my own noise and my own chaos
from the chains of a lesser law You set me free
You liberate me from my own noise and my own chaos
from the chains of a lesser law You set me free

In the silence of the heart You speak
In the silence of the heart You speak
and it is there that I will know You
and You will know me
in the silence of the heart 
You speak, You speak

You satisfy me till I am quiet and confident
in the work of the Spirit I cannot see
You satisfy me till I am quiet and confident
in the work of the Spirit I cannot see

In the silence of the heart You speak

What particularly got to me was the line "You satisfy me till I am quiet and confident in the work of the Spirit I cannot see". It reminded me that if I look for confidence within myself I am always going to come up empty. If I look to Him for my confidence, however, I know that He will turn my weaknesses (which are oh so many) into strength. I've been thinking a lot about this verse this week: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9) If I was a natural rock star of a mama, I might not think I need Jesus as much. But knowing that this job does not come naturally to me at all, I know that it is only by God's grace that I can stand. I need Him now more than ever, and I know He will continue to be faithful to give me what I need when I need it. I need to pray daily that He will satisfy me until I am confident in Him and therefore more confident in who He made me to be, weaknesses and all.


Side note: For a limited time, you can get Audrey's live album "O Happy Fault", which includes this song, for FREE on NoiseTrade: http://noisetrade.com/audreyassad